Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
