piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
