the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
