My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He kissed a someone with a penis
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
