I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize