I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
