Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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