You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dear god my vagina.
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