So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize