Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
