He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
