I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
