As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
