He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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