My hand turned me down
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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