I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
