her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
