just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize