very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
