If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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