She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize