I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
