drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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