Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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