finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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