I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
