Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
