When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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