you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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