remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just gift wrapped bread.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
