what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
