do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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