I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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