So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize