Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
