U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
