I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize