Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize