I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm too high and old for this...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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