Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
