Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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