You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
