After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
