dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
