Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Randomize
