I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
nutella sex= disaster
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
