Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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