Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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