yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
