How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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