can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
