the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
