Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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