p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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