my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Found the puke drawer
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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