fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
