When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
