quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
