I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
