Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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