My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
