not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
