i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
