; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
