gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
