Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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