ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
