I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
